Things NOT to say to a Military Wife. . .

I found this and thought that I would share. As Kurt was serving 20 years in the Army, I wish I had carried a copy of this around with me to hand to people who did actually say some of these things to me. I am sure those military spouses out there will be able to relate to most of these. Blessings to all of you!!

1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds.)

2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)

3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf?

4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of child/wedding, etc?"

(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)

5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people while they are gone. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored.)

6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back overseas because there is work that needs to be done.)

7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(We do learn coping skills. We figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.)

8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 6-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, and he flew comfortably on a commercial plane. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a rusty old pickup truck to a Mercedes convertible.)

9. "Wow, you must miss him?"
(This one also gets another big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)

10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan & Iraq for several years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day —and on maps everywhere.)

11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there.”
(Yes, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)

12. "Don't you miss s*x! I couldn't do it!"
(hmmm, duh, seriously…military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than s*x. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of s*x deprivation.)

13. "Well in my opinion….."
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not when I'm hanging out with my kids trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, pets, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President.)

Last, but not least….

14. "OH, that's horrible…I'm so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our SOLDIERS/marines/airmen/coasties/sailors fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad. If you want to say anything, say THANK YOU!!)

A Day for Lasts

Since Kurt is officially retiring from the military the end of November this is the last time I will see him wear BDU's. It has been a while since I have seen him wear them so it was quite strange to see him in them today.
Today was also the last time (while in the military anyway) that Kurt will have to jump out of an airplane. We all went along to see him. It was neat for us to be able see him do this, but I am secretly glad he will not have to do it anymore.

Kurt's Retirement Ceremony

Today Kurt had his retirement ceremony. He officially retires the end of November. It was a really nice ceremony with a picnic lunch afterward. We will soon be starting a new chapter in our lives with many changes. I pray that things go smoothly with all the transitions that we face. One change that we can avoid is moving. Thankfully Kurt was able to find a job that will keep us here. More to come on that in the future!!

I thought that it would be fun to post a picture from our wedding. It is always fun to see what we used to look like. When we were young and I was thin. . . okay maybe it is not as much fun as I thought. LOL

Thoughts from a Soldier

Written by my husband, September 11, 2008.
As I sit here and think about all that has gone on the last 7 years since September 11th, 2001, as I prepare to say goodbye to all I have known for the last 20 years (retiring from Army), as I prepare to welcome what will come over the next 50, I feel many emotions about the tragedy that day and what has occurred within our country since then. This country is a “live in the now country”. We rarely see images of that day or any other tragedies from the past in the media anymore. Why? Is it because we don't want people to have to remember what happened? Is it too traumatic even after 7 years? What this country needs to do IS remember. We need to be angry, in a good way. We need to remember all the innocent lives that were taken, the acts of bravery from that day and since then from our military.
I am sick and tired of hearing from people who haven't served bash what we are doing in Iraq and Afghanistan. Nobody ever wants to hear what I, the soldier, thinks about being over there. Nobody wants our opinion. Well here is mine anyway. We NEED to stay in Iraq until they are able to take care of themselves. There are countless numbers of good people in that country. Who believe in a good life, want to be free to celebrate their beliefs, which are not ALL radical. They want to raise their children, they want to make a living in safety. They want to be able to enjoy the same things we enjoy. Yet all we see on TV is the negative stories of soldiers dying, terrorists acts on innocent civilians and moaning and griping from media personalities who think they have the market on intelligence on why we should leave. What we don't see is all the good stories about the difference we have made, that we are making and that we can make. All the “Thank You’s”, hugs and friends, YES friends we have made there. Too many people sit here in the safety of their expensive houses, behind a computer, making money for nothing and pass down judgment and decisions about too much. The people in Iraq that I have met, which has been a lot, work their butts off. No, they don't have the best work ethic and their quality is poor at times, but they work like slaves for crap wages. A couple hundred a month...maybe to support the WHOLE family tree. Why is their work ethic and quality that way? Because they were ruled by a tyrant for over 3 decades who would kill people on site for not getting done quick enough when working on a project. He would feed innocent people to the lions and tigers he kept in his personal zoo at one of his many palaces. Yes I have been there, seen the animals and even lived there. This man, who some feel was poorly accused, not tried fairly or whatever, was a cold blooded murderer and to you I say do yourself a favor and read about the genocide in that country, the stealing from his people he did and tell me he didn't deserve what he got. Tell me we didn't have every right to go into that country and free those people from oppression. Who else was going to do it, the UN. What a joke.
The Clinton years put us in a bad situation. They made us weak. Pulling out of Somalia in 1993 after what happened with our soldiers, the first Twin Towers incident, the USS Cole and so on, did nothing but open the flood gates for people like UBL, Usama Bin Laden, to do what they did. We can lower the flag to half staff all over the country, at schools, federal buildings etc. for college kids killed by a nutcase on a campus here in the US but we don't lower it for our soldiers who die every day. We care about saving trees and fluffy the puppy more than we care about the lives of unborn children and orphans and widows. The elderly are a thought in our rear view mirror. We care only for what makes us feel good right now. Why did we get so patriotic, religious and tender after 9/11 only to find the flags that were on all our cars laying on the highways months later? Why don't we stay that way? Because that was yesterdays news. What is tomorrows news? Obama? I pray not. McCain may not be the perfect choice but Obama is the worst. After all we have put up with, I will not vote for a man who will not say the pledge of allegiance or wear the American Flag pin on his suit because of his beliefs. NO THANK YOU!!! I find it ridiculous that we as a country would entertain that idea? Would we have considered him a good candidate if Sept. 11 would have happened just prior to an election with his Muslim background? I don't think so. Maybe he feels running now is an option because so many have just put on their blinders to what is going on and has gone on in the world, in our cities and states. I mean why not? It doesn't directly affect anyone individually does it?
We need THE God in our lives, our cities and states, in our SCHOOLS!!! If we continue to take God out of everything where he is needed, we have NO RIGHT to complain when it all goes downhill. Unless you are with the rest of us in the Christian faith, pushing and driving to keep God where he needs to be. To my knowledge there has never been any such thing as a law or amendment, article of anything talking about the separation of church and state. It is a political agenda of ridiculous faithless politicians and law makers. My desires as a Christian man raising a Christian family with Christian values is much less important in the eyes of today’s society than those of other practices. I am proud to be an American, a Christian and a soldier. I am proud of what we are doing in Iraq. I am proud we are the front running country that is trying to help everyone and make the WORLD a better place. Our country is what it is or isn't because of what we do as Americans for our country. It is our responsibility to help our country as its citizens. Not the responsibility of the uninterested government officials. Make a difference, get Jesus in your life and let him take charge of your lives. Then get responsible, be a light somewhere and help be part of the solution to make this country what it needs to be to lead this world. No other country can do it!!

Added later: After doing further research I have come to find out that some of the remarks that I wrote about Obama are inaccurate. I do appologize if I offended anyone with these remarks.